Justice for Israel/Palestine

God - can we talk for a while?
It's about justice, and compassion and about identity and belonging.
I'm genuinely confused. To my way of thinking, the gospel has little to offer anyone in the Western world unless they are able to own the truth of St Paul's statement that in Christ there is now neither Jew nor Gentile. You chose not to send a Jewish Messiah AND a Gentile Messiah, and yet you offer grace and salvation for all.  So at the very core of Western Christianity, whether we acknowledge it or not,  is a deliberate choice by the Church to no longer see old divisions, especially not hereditary divisions, those fostered upon us unwittingly by accident of birth.
Which made me genuinely puzzled as to why any Christian here in the UK might insist on putting politics before people - or categories before compassion no matter how 'complex' or 'contrary' a situation might seem to be.

Until I read the Methodist report entitled Justice for Israel/Palestine.

Let me make it clear, I am not interested in getting into a debate about Jews vs Palestinians, neither am I interested in discussing whether or not the report is balanced or biased (that is already taking place at local Church and Circuit level here) What I am interested in, is finding out how Western Christians ever managed to lose sight of the fact that what is at stake in Israel Palestine is not who owns a piece of land but the answer to the question 'who is my neighbour..'

The answer surely should be - every single soul there. The only identity that should matter is the one that you give to each of us - and to every Jew and Palestinian - we are all your people. The parable makes it clear that our neighbour is the person in need, not the person of a particular politics or race or religion.

That we have lost sight of this is evidenced both by the report itself and by the debates currently taking place about it on the Methodist Blogosphere and elsewhere. 


It is astonishing how much energy this report has generated. 


I had some sympathy with Israelis who insist that they have been misrepresented in the report - not because I think that they have been (I dont) but because the report refuses to play the old games of trying to offer a classic 'say nothing but sigh plenty' approach on the grounds that this is just too complex a socio-political religious problem to get involved in.  


This means that the report is not about what Palestinian's have been doing to Israelis or Israelis to Palestinians, it is about the heartache and grief of not loving our neighbour as ourselves. The report works hard to present the core religious and political issues whilst stating clearly that they have been allowed to play too big a part in excusing the inexcusable and blinding the Church and the world to the obvious - people are suffering and dying needlessly and it is time that it stopped. 


What little sympathy I had is however being slowly but steadily eroded by the lobbying by those who disagree with the recommendations of the report - not least, the recommendation that the Church be encouraged to read and reflect on it.


As a minister, I have received a variety of emails and letters over this mater. Sadly, not one of them could be considered courteous for all of them began with the presumption that I am anti-Semitic. Many have referred to the Holocaust and several have made direct accusations about a hate campaign against the state of Israel. Some of those who sent the mail have also sent copies of the Jewish Board of Deputies response,. others have written their own responses, and in one case, I was provided with over 40 pages of additional information which it has been suggested I must allow my congregation to read in conjunction with the report in order to offset the presumed bias implicit within it. 
All have insulted my Church and presumed that behind the report there is an institutional 'it' to blame. None have taken the trouble to ask me what I personally think of the report and what I might be inclined to do as a result.


I suspect the same degree of lobbying (which is beginning to feel like religious bullying) has been happening elsewhere. What  else would persuade one Methodist local preacher and blogger to throw away his better judgement and threaten to sue the Methodist Church over the report? It would be very interesting to know whether or not he intends to finance the action from his own personal funds only. My suspicion, given the amount of lobbying going on by a few activists, is that he has allowed himself to act as a foil for a fight, rather than a light for a Gospel cause.

I can't help but wonder what he/they  really hope to achieve by the action..
It wont further the work of the Gospel
It wont strengthen the witness of the Church to your love and unity
And it wont enable us to recognise all our brothers and sisters in Israel Palestine as our Neighbours 

All it will do is hide the loss of life and suffering in Israel/Palestine behind the same old ancient hereditary prejudices that Christ died to end.

Comedic Grace

Sir Norman Wisdom 1915-2010

Good morning God,
Today is a day for discovering grace - that peculiar heart-lifting, grin making, peace affording, pain stilling energy which permeates this world and provides us with a glimpse of your love.

Finding grace is not like counting blessings, its far more comedic than that. It's far more 'Norman Wisdom'; like playing peek-a-boo with your infant self.  It's packed full of giggles and moments of wonder that something so simple can give rise to so much joy and contentment - even if there were a million tears just thirty seconds earlier.
There are, of course, proven 'means of grace'... Wesley wrote enough about them (come to think of it, so have I!) but there are also the more spontaneous and less religious means which we too often forget about, but which God chooses to remind us of - if we go looking.

Great comedians like Norman Wisdom had that rare gift of being able to remind us of that fact. It was impossible to take yourself seriously when watching one of his films.. and who can see his face without wanting to smile?

Yet in his films he often played the most vulnerable, love-lorn, helpless characters - 'real' people, not 'clever' people. The ones that did fall down, get pushed around, live in a daze, and yet make the whole world laugh through their childlike innocence and generosity of Spirit. His films frequently turned on a moment of grace, when his character was helped to see that he was loved, just as he was. 

In his real life he epitomized the bizarre comedic nature of grace - after all who would have thought that someone born so poverty stricken could rise to become such a star - ending up a cult figure in communist Albania no less! - and all by making the world laugh!

In memory of Norman who died today aged 95 - I shall try to enjoy it when I fall down today. Instead of complaining or resenting the inevitable embarrassment of looking an idiot in public,  I shall try and find some way to pick myself back up, dust myself down, and look around in surprise for whatever tripped me up.

In his honour, and for my own benefit - I shall spend today looking for the unexpected, for the comedic, for the moment of grace that teaches me to not only 'get a life' but to live it laughing for as long as I can.

The Problem with prayer...

Pneuma: Breath of God Gwen Meharg

Good morning God,
It's been a long and painful night recovering from yesterday's surgery. My guess is that I would not have minded the pain and discomfort so much if I had known that there had been some gain as a result of it. But if you don't mind me saying God, to go through the whole process only to be told in the recovery room that it had not been possible to achieve the desired objective was bitterly disappointing, and not just for me. I wanted to be able to breathe without effort again... was that too much to ask?

So I have spent the night reflecting on yesterday's prayers..
And on the answers to those prayers.

The problem with prayer is that it is a relationship not a miracle machine, and whilst prayers are answered as relationships are deepened and the world changes, it is not a magic solution or some sort of heavenly qwiki-mart where needs and desirables can be bought and paid for by the weight of words or intent of the faithful.


In times of need however, it is easy to forget that. It is easy to succumb to the idea that being in a good (or even great!)  relationship with you means that I have some sort of discount at this store of salvation. That there is shelf somewhere with my name on it, which has my health and wealth and happiness waiting to be bought, if only I have enough faith or grace to pay for it or enough friends to make up the shortfall if I dont.  There are, I know many Christians who think this is what Christ came for - to pay for those things on our personal shelves which we could never otherwise afford - but I'm not one of them - thank you God.

I think we tend to slip into this sort of understanding of prayer whenever life threatens our relationships with you, with ourselves and with one another. But whilst miracles can and do happen, and whilst I believe prayer is the most powerful force in the universe - I do not believe that it is as a result of any credit or debit balance of faith or grace. You are not so cruel or so crass as to deny life, health or happiness based on how many people have prayed, or how much they meant the prayers they offered.

So when I start to reflect on yesterday's prayers, I have to begin with the small but frequent prayers  of thanks we shared throughout the day for the number of wonderful supportive friends and Church family who were holding me in their prayers - especially for the fact that so many were able to let me know by facebook, email and twitter - it was wonderful throughout the time of waiting for surgery and in the recovery room afterwards to receive that steady stream of grace.. just a word, often a joke or something to make me smile - to quell fear, and to remind me that I am not alone in all this, I am with you and I am in the minds and hearts of those we both love.


I prayed as I let go of consciousness. to be safe in your keeping.
And that prayer stayed with me until you woke me with it's answer.
 I am with you Always.

And it will always be thus.

So, OK, I am denied the quick-fix..In my case, at this moment in time, the combination of constriction of the bronchial tubes and the cancer which is in the glands surrounding them made fitting a stent more dangerous than not fitting a stent.

But there are other, albeit slower, ways of gaining the air that I crave.

I am going to have to learn to breathe properly again, to work at it and not just take it for granted - its not rocket science but it will take time and effort. I have to practice breathing deeply and fully all the time, and resist the bad habits of just snatching at breath as and when I want it without care for how my body will supply it!

A bit like prayer really..
Never a quick fix

But surely well worth the effort to live fully.

So, a new verse to my favourate hymn:

Give me air in my lungs keep me praying
Give me air in my lungs this day
Give me air in my lungs keep me praying
Keep me praying til the break of day.

all together now...
Sing Hosanna, Sing Hosanna, Sing Hosanna to the King of Kings
Sing Hosanna, Sing Hosanna, Sing hosanna to the King

p.s. cant help but notice the glorious wry humour in all this God - given my passionate dislike of those who insist in introducing a hushed 'breathy' note into their voice when they are trying to be 'Christian' and caring.

A last Eucharist

Good morning God,
Its amazing how the knowledge of impending absence is affecting the way I feel about this week's Eucharist. This will be the last supper that I will preside at for a long time. The words of the liturgy seem to have acquired a hitherto undreamed of meaning and clarity as I prepare to leave a people that you have enabled me to love and serve by your grace.

Please don't misunderstand God,  have no 'fear' for those I love. I know that in my absence they will be more than well provided for by you and others - Christ alone is the indispensable minister of grace (I learned that a loooong time ago!)
But I find I am torn by conflicting emotions and grief competes with joy as I prepare.
Reflecting on this, and on the words I will be saying, I am astonished to discover an absence at the heart of the Eucharist which I had not allowed myself to notice before, probably because I have always been so concerned with trying to mediate your presence God.

The words of the liturgy are very definitely all in the wrong tense -
We declare the mystery of faith
Christ has died, Christ has risen, Christ will come again ,
instead of 
Christ has died, Christ has risen, Christ is come again...
and we pray -
'send down your Holy Spirit' - rather than giving thanks that your Holy Spirit is already present.


In these, and so many other ways, we speak eschatalogicaly - in terms of a promised future presence - ie a very present absence! (and for the theologically aware - nope, I dont really think realized eschatology cuts it here)


Lex orandi, lex credendi -  what we pray is what we believe.. in which case,  liturgically speaking at least, I  would have to say that the Church believes in your presence as the risen Christ by praying about Your absence!

This 'last' Eucharist will be a very special. We are a small group, who have learned to bear one another's burdens. My presence is not an essential component of this act of worship, merely a welcome one. Your presence on the other hand, is crucial. Without YOU God, the Eucharist is merely an empty ritual, a remembering less we forget.. that once, a long time ago, you loved us enough to come as one of us.. and that you promise, one day, to come again.

do this - to remember me...

like binding words on our foreheads, counting beads, or tying knots in tassels

I can find nothing in the words we say, in the liturgy we use, to suggest that you are present in anything other than the future promised to us..

which begs the question God...

is this why transubstantiation is deemed so necessary by so many?!!
 

Cat heaven

Good morning God,
I really miss Velvet this morning.

When we took her to the vets last night to put an end to her pain and suffering, it seemed like the right thing to do, but was it? Did we have the right? Is there an afterlife for cats, a heaven where she is finally free?

She was one of those who never stood a chance. As a result of being terribly abused by her first owners, she never learned to trust humans. In 12 years, she never once sat willingly on a lap and she only tolerated being stroked when and where she wanted, once a day, just before feeding!
But she seemed content with us and over time had managed to make a space in our home and in our lives that she knew was her own which she was comfortable with.  As long as we asked no more of her than she was willing to give - all was well.

We saw the first signs of the cancer in July, and it has been a rapid decline since then.
Her tumor was on her face, blocking her nostril, closing one eye, giving her, in the early days at least, a sort of sleepy lop-sided look, as though she couldn't quite bring herself to wake up.
And the weight just fell off her.
We could do nothing but watch as our beautiful british blue, was ravaged by this insidious disease.
There was no comfort we could give - she still didn't want to be touched or stroked, we could not give her oxygen or help her to breathe and we failed to find a food that could tempt her to eat.
We knew that we were not prepared to let her 'suffer' - but how do you know when the time is right?
Were we taking her to the vets because we could not bear to watch, or because it really was the best thing to do for her?

It's hard enough to make such a decision at the best of times - but, if you don't mind me saying God, it seems particularly cruel to have had to make it at a time when my health has been so problematic.

Like Velvet, for the last three weeks breath is something I have no longer been able to take for granted - it has been, and still is, hard fought for following a serious chest infection.  Although the infection has cleared up and I am managing to work, my breathing is still not good and by the end of each day I am completely exhausted by the constant effort of just trying to get enough air into my lungs to live another day.

When the infection was at its height - there was a time when I almost wanted someone to end my life - the pain and terror of not being able to breathe was more than I thought I could bear, as was watching Brian's distress at not being able to help in any way...
Was that memory what persuaded us to take Velvet to the vet yesterday..?

Projection - when one problem or situation is projected onto another to create enough distance to allow the more personal or difficult problem to be either dismissed, or dealt with.

Anthropomorphizing - attributing human traits and attributes to animals or objects..

Prayer - the gift you give of honest enquiry.

I believe I will live after death - and yes, I believe we made the right decision for Velvet - she is at peace, freedom from her pain and her suffering was a gift we could give her. But what I don't know - and what I need to know at this moment in time (even if it is just projecting or anthropomorphizing) is  whether there is an afterlife for cats.

What say you God?

Ministerial whining?

Good morning God,
It has been seriously suggested to me that I rethink my vocation, that I have misunderstood what ministry is and that I should look to leaving the Church if all I want to do is whine about my working conditions. It has also been implied that I am taking a pop at the Connexional team, that I am out to slur them and make mischief or worse at their expense..

What on earth could I have done to have blotted my copybook so thoroughly?

Oh, yes,, that's right, I have dared to suggest that the Church considers practicing what it preaches, and updates the working conditions for circuit ministers as laid out in CPD so that they are a better reflection of its theology of grace.

Perhaps I should have been prepared for it God, but I have been astonished by some of the responses I have received over the last week. In amongst the many replies recognising the need for the Church to have a debate about current working conditions, there have been a small but significant minority who have decided that anyone who wants a change in their 'terms and conditions' must somehow be less of a minister...

To those who say ministers are not employees -
Hurrah... I too believe in the Covenant relationship and do not want to be an employee. The expectations of the Covenant vis-a-vis our working conditions are already spelt out in CPD - updating them will not suddenly make us employees.

To those who say ministry is who we are, not what we do -
Agreed again.. but let's not lie and say that ministers don't need or enjoy our days off or holidays like everyone else! Updating the conditions in CPD will not make us LESS ministerial by encouraging us to have a more realistic work-life balance!

To those who think I'm having a pop at the Connexional team..
Huh?
The fact that ministers who work at Methodist Church House or outside of circuit ministry usually have contracts which stipulate a 5 day working week is cause for thanksgiving not ridicule - surely!
To make mention of this is not some subtle or perverse way of saying that I think the Connexional Team dont work hard enough.
To ask for the same notional working conditions for circuit ministers is simply to point out and ask for an extension of existing GOOD PRACTICE.

To those who think I have lost my vocation...
Asking for a change in working conditions does not mean that I am only interested in putting my material interests before those of my flock.  As someone who has been involved in the training and theological education of many of our ministers, I'm just not prepared to ignore the fact that too many ministers are falling sick and leaving the Church because they cannot live up to the increasing demands of some circuits based on current expectations.(not my own circuit I hasten to add!)
A small change in CPD could make a big change in how some people feel about their ability to minister. To watch over one another in love is part of our shared ministry.

In 'What is a Presbyter' we are told that

A presbyter is a ‘whole' person, interconnected with others through family, friendship or other close relationships
and
A presbyter ensures that his or her family and personal commitments are not neglected

The same is true of Deacons..

To ask that CPD is updated so that this is implicit in our working conditions is not whining - its practicing what we preach.
Isn't it?

35 hour working week for all ministers?

Good morning God,

A 5 day, 35 hour working week for all ministers - yes even CIRCUIT ministers? Is it possible, is it desirable? As promised, here's the text of a circuit memorial which, if adopted and sent to Conference, might at least persuade us to examine the working conditions of circuit ministers.
What do you think God? I know, I know, we would all do the work anyway, but if we felt we were only supposed to be 'working' 35 hours a week, we might at least give ourselves permission to stop after 48.. instead of the usual 60-70..
It might even encourage more lay people to become actively involved again - or even consider ministry as an option if they saw half-decent working conditions..


Anyway.. here's the first draft to be put to our circuit meeting.

Text of memorial: The xxxx Circuit draws the Conference’s attention to the increasing number of ministers leaving circuit ministry for reasons of stress, finance and poor working conditions and asks Conference to address the issue directly by implementing the following changes to ministerial working conditions without reduction of Stipend from the start of the Connexional year 2011:
1) Standardise on a notional 5 day, 35 hour working week for all ministers.
(These are the working hours of ministers based at MCH)
2) Remove the 12 quarter days per year
3) Require Circuits to comply with the European Working Directive and ensure that no minister works more than 48 hours a week when averaged over a 17 week period.

Background or supporting statement:
Ministry is a vocation which demands sacrificial giving of time and energy. As the Church has declined however, more and more is being asked of few and fewer ministers. The review of the pension scheme has highlighted the fact that there has been a significant increase, year upon year, in the number of younger (below 50 years of age) ministers retiring early on the grounds of stress. The call for a ‘Year of Jubilee’ at Conference 2010 is further indication of the extent to which the whole Church is beginning to feel pressured. For the Church to flourish and grow it needs a ministry which is energised and refreshed not permanently tired. It also needs for ministry to appeal to a new generation as a vocation which, whilst it may be both challenging and dynamic, is nonetheless still doable. It is our belief that the current Conference ruling (given below) is no longer able to achieve that objective.

The Conference recognises the impossibility and the undesirability of too strict a rule on a minister’s or deacon’s use of time, such as a sessional apportionment would entail, and it also recognises the economic restrictions which make the ideal unachievable; but it considers that the application of the principles of any person’s need of rest, recreation, exercise, fellowship, and above all a full family life, would require:
1. 35 days’ holiday each year, plus the equivalent of statutory public holidays. Such entitlement would include five Sundays free of duties, of which at least two would be consecutive Sundays and, for ministers, one Local Preachers’ Sunday.
2. A break of three consecutive weekdays (if possible away from home) each quarter.
3. A minimum break of 24 hours each week, without structured work and if possible away from the manse.
4. A period of up to an hour’s break each day for recreation and exercise.
5. Where there is a Sunday between Christmas and New Year probationers should be free on that Sunday.
The Conference recommends each minister and deacon to cultivate a hobby from the outset.