I've been caught out again by how little quality time I seem to be spending with you at the moment.
I have had to remind myself several times this week to take time out to just talk to you about the things that I am seeing, doing or preparing. Sorry, being 'too busy' is just another way of taking you for granted, and I promised myself I wouldn't do that. I don't want to forget it is YOU that I am so busy dressing up in tinsel, pushing into oranges, or delivering with Christmas Chrysanthemums.
It's so easy to get sucked in and allow the religious bits and the business of Christmas substitute for our personal time together. But this means that I could miss the sound of your voice as you laugh with me, and run the risk of not even recognising that it is your hand that has touched my heart, lifted it and filled me with joy... and that's not good enough - you would never do that to me.
So thank you for the prompting, and allow me to issue you with a personal invitation to a very special early morning communion tomorrow morning. Before the crowds arrive for all age worship, and before the stewards bustle about the place sorting out the sound system, hymn boards, advent candles, Christmas trees and whatever else.. I have prepared a quiet place and time to be still and know that You are GOD.
It's selfish of me I know, (given everything else that is going on) but I really do need you to come, you see, it would mean nothing if you were not there.
I hope to use the time to remember those who need at-one-ment; those who need to shed tears before they can face the other members of their family over Christmas dinner; those who need strength and consolation and who need to hear your heavenly host saying 'do not fear'. Those who need to remember who you are in the midst of Christmas, and what you invite us to do...
Thank you God,
For your prevenient grace,
As you know there wont be many of us,
just a small gathering..
two or three maybe..
but - I'm so glad you have invited me to spend time with you
To come and feast at your table, before setting my own
And for somehow making sure that I would not be too busy to cry - come Lord Jesus.
Love you God.
I miss presiding at communion; it's almost a physical ache right now. I've never been sure if I believed in ontological ordination, but I feel that I'm experiencing the ontology.
ReplyDeleteI hope your early-morning communion was blessed.
I know what you mean Pam,
ReplyDeleteIt was what I missed most when I was at Bristol and is the only thing that has stopped me resigning my ministry - I am all too aware that something precious and core in me dies when I am denied this grace. I continue to hold you in my prayers and hope that your Bishop finds a way soon to enable you to preside again.
Thanks, Angela. I'm going on a 5-day silent retreat in January. I wrote on my retreat form (they ask you to say why you are making a retreat now) that either I'm not listening to God properly or he is telling me to wait (boy, I hope it's not the latter because I'm really bad that that! *grin*). It appears at the moment that UMC doors are firmly shut so I'm trying to think about out-of-the-box ministries. This may be something of a long haul.
ReplyDelete